I was kinda surprised the other day when I got asked by a couple of people on Lines You'll Never Hear on Heroes to turn some of my shorts into a running fanfic...

So I started to write up a couple new entries and here is the result!

This first post is just a recap so far with one new short, just wanted to see if people are interested... I've got a few more backlogged that I'll post later

Enjoy!

Warning: Most of these shorts are rather mature (or immature, I'll let you judge), so for those who haven't read any of my posts before, I wave any responsibility if you get offended past these lines...

And if you are... well, sucks to you, can't say I didn't try to warn ye!

==============

The Cell

HRG: That's enough Gabriel!
Sylar: My name is Sylar!
HRG: Sure... and my name is Noah...
Sylar: *pauses* Wow... we really had lame parents
HRG: Tell me about it!

Some time later

*HRG and Sylar are sitting drinking beer*

HRG: *Drunk* My name is Noah and I have these cruddy glasses, they're not even HORN RIMMED! What the heck is going on?
Sylar: *Equally wasted* Dude... relax! Its cool... and I think I love you?!

==============

The Sequel

*Slyar and HRG are both drinking beer and totally wasted*

HRG: Oh sure, you say you love me Gabriel, but where's the proof! Where's the proof!
Sylar: See that cockroach over there in my cell?
HRG: Yeah what about it?
Sylar: His name is Freedom! And he's bisexual...
HRG: Dude... what? That's so messed up! What happened between you and your mom to make you so weird?

*A thump against the door, they turn to see someone leaning drunkenly against the frame with a bottle of Jack Daniels*

Mohinder: *Slurring* You think you have it bad?! Jackass parents? MY Father named a freaking LIZARD after me!
HRG: Dude that's rough!
Sylar: See why I killed him now? He was a very unpleasant guy!
Mohinder: Yeah! F**k him...
HRG: That's the spirit!
Sylar: Come here, let me fix you...
HRG: Hey, you said I was the only one!

==============

Next Morning

*HRG and Mohinder wake up in the cell*

Mohinder: What happened?
HRG: Did we really get that drunk last night?
Mohinder: Well from the throbbing in my head I think it's a possibility...
HRG: *trying to sit up but cringes* That's not the only place I'm throbbing, did I fall over last night or something?
Mohinder: Erm... wait, where's Sylar gone?"

*They turn and notice the cell door has been ripped open*

HRG: Oh hell! Can it get any worse?

*A gasp from the door*

Claire: D-d-dad?


=============

At Bennet's Home

Claire: What are you going to tell Mom?
HRG: Nothing and neither are you!
Claire: You can't stop me!
HRG: Yes I can…

*The Haitian enters*

HRG: You know what to do, go deep! *turns to leave*

*The Haitian looks at Claire and raises a suggestive eyebrow*



To be Continued...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to Rhysus for finding the links for all the shorts

Askew Heroes: The Collection

1. The First Scene
2. Isaac's Loft
3. Charlie/Hiro Sex Scene
4. Kirby Plaza
5. Maurdey Smut/Lots of Coffee
6. Kirby Plaza 2
7. Charlie/Hiro Sex Scene 2
8. Deveaux Rooftop
9. Funny Accent Peter
10. Isaac's Loft 2
11. Charlie/Hiro Sex Scene 3
12. Charlie/Hiro Sex Scene 4
13. Isaac's Loft 3
14. Charlie/Hiro Sex Scene 5
15. Haitian/Claire Sex Scene/Other Stuff
16. Charlie/Hiro Sex Scene 6
17. New York Crazyness
18. Molly Troubles/Revenge on West
19. Sued by Disney?
20. More Madness
21. Bugger My Duck!
22. The Real World
23. The Real World 2
24. The Real World 3
25. Being Dead Sucks...
26. Askew Heroes: The Movie Part 1
27. Askew Heroes: The Movie Part 2-A (Cameo: Me )
28. Askew Heroes: The Movie Part 2-B
29. Askew Heroes: The Movie Part 3
30. The Real World 4
31. Askew Heroes: The Movie Part 4
32. Very Short Short
33. Another Short Short
34. Revenge on West 2
35. Lost Heroes
36. Isaac's Loft 4
37. Sifr as Mustachio
38. The Haitian Files, Case I
39. Somewhere in Scotland
40. HIATUS!
41. The Exciting & Totally Awesome Adventures of... Matt & Turtle!
42. Africa
43. Pinehearst
44. Sifr & Turtle?

LMFAO

Write more!

=]

Yay! I'm glad you did it. These make me laugh every time I read them. Lol.

AAAAHHH! XDDD
That was awesome, Sifr!
Hey, Haitian? (meekly raises hand) Me too, uh, go deep, yea... me too?

Isaac's Loft

*Isaac comes out of a trance*

Isaac: Make yourself at home…
Sylar: Wait, how did you know?
Isaac: *turns to him* Sorry, prophecy kinda takes the surprise out of things…
Sylar: Spoilsport! So what am I going to do now?
Isaac: You're not going to kill me… you're going to look at this.

*Isaac gestures to a painting*

Sylar: What is that?
Isaac: That's us looking at painting of ourselves looking at a painting… you get the picture, pardon the pun!
Slyar: Very droll! And that?

*Points to another painting with Slyar's eyes wide*

Isaac: It's a painting of you seeing this comic book *hands him the book*
Sylar: It's the Cheerleader? And… a Mysterious Black Guy? So what?
Isaac: Turn to the next page…

*Sylar turns the page and his eyes go wide*

Isaac: Thought you'd like it…
Slyar: *Breathless* Can legs really bend that way?

*Turns his head to the side*

Isaac: Bathroom's on the right…

XD Si, LMAO!

How do you stop an Exploding Man?

Show him underraged p0rn!

'Course, then you have to deal with an entirely different type of explosion...

Its so simple if you think about it!

Glad you're all enjoying them so far!

This one is of course, dedicated to CA!

==============

Midland, Texas - 6 Months Ago...

Charlie: It was awful nice of you to walk me home, Hiro.
Hiro: Any… thing for pretty face.
Charlie: Don't make me blush now… do you wanna come in?
Hiro: Yes… very much!

*They go into her apartment, its very clean and tidy, very ordinary*

Hiro: I like your home…
Charlie: Thanks, I don't get many visitors…
Hiro: Really?
Charlie: No… most guys get scared off…
Hiro: You can't scare me… I… very brave!
Charlie: *Raising an eyebrow* Oh really?

*Pulls out a pair of glinting handcuffs from a drawer and smiles wickedly*

Hiro: *squeaks*…

43 Minutes Later…

*Hiro runs out with a gimp-mask, still wearing his glasses*

Hiro: YATTA!

**Chokes on water** ! XD

Best. Yatta. EVER!

I'll quote the great poet Sir Ludacris, who once wisely said: "We want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed."

*Smirks at that reaction*

I'd like to imagine that its a double entendre that Hiro finally "did it!" Poor Hiro, he deserves that hardcore loving!

Want more?

JESUS CHRIST

these rock

but def. more on the "immature side" lol

Aww, Hiro-kun is so in the V-club, poor guy...

**Bad 19th century London accent** Please sir, I want some more!

I always want to see this exchange whenever Oliver Twist is on television...

Oliver Twist: Please sir, can I have some more?
Gruel server: MORE! Did you say you want MORE boy?
Oliver Twist: Yes, I F*CKING did! What are you, deaf or just ugly?
Gruel server: *taken aback* Of course! Anything you say sir...



==============

Kirby Plaza

Thompson: Welcome aboard Dr Suresh
Mohinder: Oh please, we all know you'd shoot me if you didn't need me here…
Thompson: *Ignores the sarcasm* So how do you think the physical went?
Mohinder: I'm fit as a fiddle, why are you going to tell me I'm slowly dying to give up the list?
Thompson: Actually-
Mohinder: You can't trick me you know!
Thompson: I wasn't-
Mohinder: There's nothing on that form that can make me stay!
Thomspon: But-
Mohinder: You know what; I'm going to go right now!

*Goes to the door and opens it*

Thompson: You have Gonorrhea!

*Mohinder freezes*

Molly: *Standing outside* DAMN! What a Gaywad!

The Hiro-Charlie one was AWESOME! XDD
*squeak!*
I also love the "...can legs bend that way?" Oh man. XD

Sideways cat is pleased.

Two more from me guys then I'm heading off to bed! Glad you're all enjoying it so far, I'll post some more tomorrow!

===============

Burnt Toast Diner - Present Day

Ando: Three… Four… Five…

*Looks around for a sign of Hiro*

Waitress: Need anything?
Ando: Coffee… lots of coffee…

Much Later

*Ando sits alone in the dark*

Ando: Sixty-Four Thousand, Seven Hundred and Ninety Two… Sixty-Four Thousand, Seven Hundred and Ninety Three…

================

FBI Headquarters

Audrey: Come on Parkman, we gotta get going!
Matt: I'm coming as fast as I can!
Audrey: Yeah, well they've found 2 more victims of Sylar and you're just dawdling away…
Matt: Well its very hard work, you riding me like a dog all the time!
Audrey: I do not!

*Matt gives her a boggy stare*

Audrey: Fine! I suppose I do…
Matt: See, admitting it's the first step!
Audrey: Shut up Parkman… now get off that desk and put your clothes on…

lol Audrey and Matt..

poor Ando though

Yes! Maudrey smut! **Evil fingers** This pleases me... >:D

The scariest ones are the ones that write themselves!

Evil Fingers! I may ask for a PM explaining that sometime... until then, I'm off guys!

Night!

night...

have strange enough dreams to inspire more stories lol

What's funny is that during the whole Matt/Audrey bit I was gently pushing aside any gutter-thoughts I might have, only for you to bring them barging right back to the front

the above has another meaning doesnt it lol. eww

these are hilarious!

New York

*Nathan Petrelli flies over the city at night, minding his own business*

Nathan: You know; I don’t know why I didn’t do this earlier, I could get actually get used to this! It’s so quiet and peaceful up-

BOOM!

*From out of nowhere, a De Lorean slams into Nathan and sends him hurtling to the ground*

Doc Brown: What the HELL was that?
Marty Mcfly: I don’t know, Doc? It looked like we hit some guy in a suit… and he was flying!
Doc Brown: Please Marty, I told you… stop smoking those plants in my lab!

================

Kirby Plaza

*Molly and Micah stand outside the elevator*

Molly: It won’t work, Micah!
Micah: Yes it will!

*Puts his hand on the button and the doors open*

Molly: Wow… that’s amazing!
Micah: Yeah it is… wait a minute! *Eyes narrow* How did you know what my name is?

*Molly looks uncomfortable*

Molly: I sorta… *mumbles*
Micah: What was that?
Molly: OK! I watch your Mom A LOT! I can’t help it! She’s a total MILF!

*Micah’s jaw drops*

DL: Oh come on Micah, don’t’ say you wouldn’t if you could!
Micah: DAD! That’s my MOM!
DL: Then how come you needed breastfeeding until you were 7?

Niki: Stop it DL, you drank more than he did!

OMG! I'm totally loling!

Midland, Texas – Six Months Ago

*Charlie and Hiro are laying in bed, panting heavily*

Charlie: Hiro! That was incredible; I've never felt that way before...
Hiro: You… very special! Wanted to show you…
Charlie: But NINE times… how can you manage it?
Hiro: I'm… very strong!
Charlie: So I found out!
Hiro: Fancy another?
Charlie: OH GOD YES!
Hiro: One second…

*Hiro smiles and concentrates, time freezing instantly. He looks around, grinning and heads to the freezer*

Hiro: Where is… aha!

*Picks out an ice-bucket, pauses for a moment... and pours it down onto his crotch as steam suddenly bellows*

Hiro: *Sighing In Relief* Yaaaattttaaaaaaaa……

Si, I really can't imagine a better way to start my evening than with mental images of Niki nursing D.L. & Hiro pouring ice on his steaming crotch. Thanks, hun!

I try my best!

Want more?

I always want more!

Then you're greedy, I just gave you sweet humour 5 minutes ago, are you trying to kill me?!

Deveaux Rooftop

Charles: Hello Peter…
Peter: You can see me?
Charles: Of course! I have a message for you…
Peter: It’s not save the cheerleader is it? Cause I got the memo on that one…
Charles: *Laughs* No no… Peter, I have to tell you something important!
Peter: What is it?
Charles: I’m your father…

*An uncomfortable silence*

Peter: Say-what?
Charles: It's true! I'm not laying some Star Wars vibe on you... me and your mom, kinda, yeah?

*Peter looks at him with wide eyes*

Peter: You mean... I'm half Black?
Charles: Yes.
Peter: And I slept... with my sister!
Charles: I can understand why you might be upset…
Peter: Who cares? Dude, this is AWESOME! My dad is freaking SHAFT!

Phht, you could take a lesson from Hiro in stamina!

LMAO, Charles is a bad motha-shut yo mouth!

OMG, that's soo wrong >.<



[[finally made it to 5100 posts!]]

Someone get me my icebucket, I have to teach CA a hard lesson she'll never forget...

For some reason, when I imagine the blaxploitation Peter, he talks with a strange fake English accent? You'll see what I mean...

===============

New York City

*Peter Petrelli struts down the sidewalk before stopping at a shop…*

Peter: Right on!

Several Minutes Later

*He comes out dressed a pimp; lots of bling, walking cane and feathered hat...*

Peter: Greetings fellow brethren!
Little Girl: Mammy, what’s the crazy man doing?
Mother: Don’t make eye-contact baby, just keep moving!
Peter: *spotting them* T’is a wonderful day, wouldn’t you say, fo shizzle?

well, this is funny enough to get me out of the general chatter madhouse... so well done lol

Isaac’s Loft

Isaac: *Knocking on the door* Are you going to be long in there man?
Sylar: *Slight Squealage*…
Isaac: Only, I gotta go…

*A tap on his shoulder and a floating paintbrush writes on the door*

GO AWAY

Isaac: Fine, Fine… *Mutters under his breath* What a jerk-off…
Sylar: I HEARD that!

LMAO. It takes a while for Sylar to get "inspired."

I wonder if you could teach me a lesson 9 times in a row?

That's... so wrong, Si. So high-lariously wrong.

Hiro's got some m4d in-t3h-b3d skillz.

I studied under the masters of the art...

And, yes, it is the way it sounds... you don't learn power without a lot of hard, butt-clenching work...

Ever wondered how Daniel-san in the Karate Kid was so good?

Methinks ya'll will like this...

Chandra Suresh's Apartment – Six Months Ago

*Chandra Suresh, looking tired and defeated, wearily dials the phone*

Papa Suresh: Hello, Miss Andrews?
Charlie: Y-y-yes? *heavy breathing*
Papa Suresh: My name is Chandra Suresh, I'm a Geneticist…
Charlie: Mmmmm…
Papa Suresh: Well I was wondering if I could talk you to about this theory I have, it regards human evolution and I think you're a key part of that…
Charlie: Oh YES!
Papa Suresh: Wow, I didn't know anyone to be this excited…
Charlie: Oh GOD! You make me so hot…
Papa Suresh: *Smug smile* Well, I'm glad you think so… now, my theory says that RNA in your Genetic Structure has allowed for certain powers…
Charlie: Uh huh, Uh huh…
Papa Suresh: Is it too hard to follow?
Charlie: Please, harder, faster!
Papa Suresh: *Reading fast* whichinyourcasemaybeacceleratedlearningabilitysuchasadvancedmemory…

*The sound of screaming and the phone suddenly goes dead*

Papa Suresh: Hello? Hello Miss Andrews?

*Hiro teleports into the apartment, wearing a lot of leather and chains*

Hiro: Sorry… Charlie call you back… tomorrow?

OMG LMFAO SI!

That last one made me LOL harder than anything I've ever seen on this board! Seriously! I'm crying from laughing so hard! Poor Papa Suresh...

lol that was a good one.

LOLOLOLOL XDD


and wow. Hiro/Charlie smuutty goodness!
I can totally imagine Hiro all dressed up like that, saying everything in his still-thick accent

OMG, somehow... I find it hard to imagine Hiro in whips and chains.

HOORAY!

*Hands CA a box of Kleenex to dry those tears*

I'm glad so many people love these things, if you've all calmed down from the last one, I present...

Midland, Texas - Next Day

*Hiro stirs from the bed next to Charlie, large scorch marks covering the duvet covers and bondage gear thrown across the room… a whip still between her teeth*

Hiro: *Whistles* Captain Kirk can eat his heart out…

*A forceful knock at the door*

Hiro: Yes? *he opens it slowly*
Kaito: HIRO NAKAMURA!
Hiro: Father!
Kaito: Look at yourself! It is shameful!
Hiro: I am sorry father…
Kaito: Go get dressed; you’re coming with me for training!
Hiro: Yes father…

*Hiro turns to reveal his leather pants have no back to them…*

Kaito: *Quietly with a sly smile* OH MY!

lol and what kind of "training" does Kaito have in mind? lol

LOL, sly smile like this?:



XD

You know it! XP

best line ever!

I can almost imagine—
Kaito: Erm, HIRO! You're naughty!
Hiro: I said I was sorry, father!
Kaito: C'mere for a spanking!

Isaac's Loft

*Isaac knocks on the door again*

Isaac: Sylar, you’ve been in there 3 hours, can you get out of my apartment!
Sylar: A-a-almost!
Isaac: *half to himself* I knew this was going to happen...
Sylar: Shut up, I can't concentrate!
Isaac: You shut up, get out of my apartment!
Sylar: Junkie!
Isaac: Virgin!
Sylar: Still not coming out!
Isaac: *Sighs* Thats it! I didn't want to have to bring out the big guns... turn to page 50!

*A slight pause, then suddenly a bloodcurdling scream erupts from the bathroom as the door bursts open and a blur runs through the hallway wall, leaving a giant Slyar shaped hole...*

Isaac: *picks up the comic* Pfft, oh come on! Like he doesn't know he's going to get drunk at Christmas, go home and do it with his Mom...

BWAHAHAHAHA!

...Graycest?...

Well, that explains why she was so happy to see him...


Oh god this is so wrong...

..MAKE MORE!

LOL, Mama Gray made him a "tuna sandwich" alright...