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MrHalliwell

Feb 13 2009, 10:55 AM

Hello to all. As you can see I'm a new member

I come from Croatia, so I don't speak English sooooo good. But I decided to wrote Heroes Spin Off called : Phoenix Rising. I just transleted it to English. It has some mistakes, but...i couldn't translate it better! Enjoy reading!

SEASON ONE

1X01/Chapter One - Crash
1X02/Chapter Two - Run!
1X03/Chapter Three - Ashes
1X04/Chapter Four - Whisper
1X05/Chapter Five - Taken
1x06/Chapter Six - Aquaman
1x07/Chapter Seven - Truth
1x08/Chapter Eight - Alive
1X09/Chapter Nine - Elements
1X10/Chapter Ten - Earthly
1X11/Chapter Eleven - Island
1X12/Chapter Twelve - Phoenix Part I
1X13/Chapter Thirteen - Phoenix Part II

MrHalliwell

Feb 13 2009, 11:18 AM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising

Volume One: Blackout
Chapter One: Crash

Created by: MrHalliwell
Written & Translated by: MrHalliwell
Edited by: bhero2all

"Have you ever asked yourself, who are we? Why are we created? What is our destiny? I keep asking myself those questions every day. I am one of those rare people who think they are meant to do something, something big. My name is Chris Welling and this is my story."

New York, Airport

"Chris?" Says a woman's voice loudly.

"What is it?" says Chris while he was taking off his earphones.

"Cheer up. It's time to go."

"Ok,ok. . . I'm coming."

"I always hate airports. A lot of people with one same target; they want to escape. Escape from something which bothers them. I called them cowards. Actually, every time I call them different names. I'm traveling often. Maybe I'm a coward too. Main reason is; Look at my mother, yes that beautiful women, by the cash desk. She is laughing. The truth is different. In fact she is also escaping as she does almost every month. Why? Evan I don't know! She just hasn't found herself . It's hard to find trustful friends. Maybe someone hurt her? I have never asked her. I just want to see her happy. See her smile, because I love her."

Mrs. Welling approaches.

"Mom, where are we now going?"

"Odessa, Texas. I have heard there are … "

"Many good schools, people are kind…bla bla. You need to find another sentence to cheer me up."

"Oh son…you will find new friends, you'll get used to. I promise that."

Then Mrs. Welling hugs her son.

"Yes, but I will never find good friends like those in NY."

Somewhere in the sky

"Chris, maybe you should drink something," a woman's voice says.

"Chloe, I said I'm not thirsty."

Chloe leaves.

"Maybe I was to harsh. Chloe won't be mad, she knows me too well. Still, I'm on airplanes every month. Who knows maybe that's my destiny. And what is her destiny? Women like her could find better job than service. Maybe I will talk with her later, when we are on the ground."

"Travelers, we have reached ground level. You can now walk normally on the plane. Thank you for flying with us.“

Chris get's up.

"Where are you going?"

"Mom, you know I need to go to the bathroom, I told you."

"OK, just…take care."

"Take care? But I' m just going to the bathroom!"

After some time...

"Passengers, please go back to your seats. Soon we expect turbulence."

"Yeah right. Turbulence... When you say it you think it's something big, but they are little…"

Chris couldn't finish his sentence as the airplane started to shake.

"This is normal…it will pass!"

But it did not it went worse. It was obvious the airplane is going down..

"Damn door, they are blocked! Help!"

In that moment Chris's life was passing by his eyes. He wanted that his last thoughts were about his mother.

Near Odessa,Texas

What a tragedy. So many lost lives. Flame covered the sky and smoke hid the airplane. At first it seemed no one survived. They all became ashes..

There are many explosions.

Suddenly everything is peaceful. Now we can only see the smoke. In that huge smoke there was small light. The color of it was different than usual fire. This was something stronger. Just like flame which can't go off. There is a person . Is it possible? It's Chris!

He looked like he was reborn. Of course he looked the same, like before crashing. But he had different look. He was confused.

"What is happening? Where am I? Airplane…I'm on the ground?"

Chris turned around. Everything seemed unreal .

"Mom? Chloe? Anyone?"

Chris fell to his knees and started crying.

We could now hear the siren sounds. They are coming to save them. Chris looks again at the remaining parts of the airplane.

"They can't be saved."

He stands up and goes away. He felt like he needed to run away.

End of chapter one.

MrHalliwell

Feb 14 2009, 03:09 AM

And...? What do you think?
I wrote three chapters :

1. Crash - in which we meet Chris
2. Run! - he needs to run away, THEY are coming
3. Ashes - in which Chris meets his father for the first time.

This is curentlly not connected to the series (volume 4 fugitives). It has it's own story. Later I will post second chapter.

...but I need your opinion about this one

MrHalliwell

Feb 14 2009, 06:13 AM

It seems noone is reading this...but anyway now I will post second chapter and you can read third chapter tomorrow!
It's the shortest chapter of all.
And pls correct me if I wrote something wrong

Here it is :

Heroes : Phoenix Rising

Volume One : Blackout
Chapter Two : Run

Created by : MrHalliwell
Written & Translated by : MrHalliwell

Somewhere in Odessa,Texas

„Why am I running?Who is chasing me?“

It was like someone was motivating Chris

„Dead road. What now?“

Suddenly, a car was there.
It stops next to Chris.

„Get in!“ – says a woman's voice
„Who are you?What do you want?“
„I'm here to help you. We need to run and hide.“
„Who is chasing us? How do you know I need to run?“
„That voice in your head. That is your mother.“
„No! I don't belive it! I know my mother's voice!“

Other car appears.

„Hurry up! We don't have much time“

Chris got in.

In the car…

„Listen to me carefully. I will say this only once. My name is Veronica and I'm here to show you the right direction. I promised to help you.“
„Ha? How do you know me? Who the ****** is chasing us?“
„Your father.He put a tracking device in your mother. That's why you were running all the time! You have a gift. Phoenix.“
„My father? He is alive?“
„You can't trust him. What ever happens – don't trust him! You have a powerfull thing. He wants to take it!“
„I will meet him? Is he in other car? Is my mother alive?“
„No, she's not. She made sacrifice to save you“

Silience.

„That gift…it saved me?“
„You have never heard stories about legendary Phoenix?“
„Yes, but…“
„Just listen to me. Whatever happens : Listen to your mother's voice. Only you can save her.“
„What? But you have just said she is dead!“

Car stops.

„Why have we stopped?“ – asked Chris.
„It seems they are gone.“
„OK, but you haven't answer my question yet.“

In front of them the other car appears..

„Don't trust him!“ – says Veronica, while a man was coming from other car.

„My father? What has he done?“
„He…“
„Say it!“

Blood appears on Veronica's mouth.

„WTF!?“

Door opens.

„Hello.“ – says deep manly voice.

End of chapter two.

bhero2all

Feb 15 2009, 06:11 AM

Welcome Mrhalliwell!

I really like where this story is going and it is a fun start to what could be a great fic imo. Although the language translator you have just can't catch all the punctuation and tenses that make the English language such a pain. lol

I am by no means the best one to ask for some help with that but I tried to go through and fix any glaring inaccuracies that made this otherwise great story hard to read. Here is Chapter one with the edits in punctuation and a few others to make it read better I hope you do not mind. I'll read chapter two later I can't wait to see what happens next.

QUOTE

Heroes: Phoenix Rising

Volume One: Blackout
Chapter One: Crash

Created by: MrHalliwell
Written by: MrHalliwell

"Have you ever asked yourself, who are we? Why are we created? What is our destiny? I keep asking myself those questions every day. I am one of those rare people who think they are meant to do something, something big. My name is Chris Welling and this is my story."

New York, Airport

"Chris?" Says a woman's voice loudly.

"What is it?" says Chris while he was taking off his earphones.

"Cheer up. It's time to go."

"Ok,ok... I'm coming."

"I always hate airports. A lot of people with one same target; they want to escape. Escape from something which bothers them. I called them cowards. Actually, every time I call them different names. I'm traveling often. Maybe I'm a coward too. Main reason is; Look at my mother, yes that beautiful women, by the cash desk. She is laughing. The truth is different. In fact she is also escaping as she does almost every month. Why? Evan I don't know! She just hasn't found herself . It's hard to find trustful friends. Maybe someone hurt her? I have never asked her. I just want to see her happy. See her smile, because I love her."

Mrs. Welling approaches.

"Mom, where are we now going?"

"Odessa, Texas. I have heard there are…"

"…many good schools, people are kind…bla bla. You need to find another sentence to cheer me up."

"Oh son…you will find new friends, you'll get used to. I promise that."

Then Mrs. Welling hugs her son.

"Yes, but I will never find good friends like those in NY."

Somewhere in the sky

"Chris, maybe you should drink something," a woman's voice says.

"Chloe, I said I'm not thirsty."

Chloe leaves.

"Maybe I was to harsh. Chloe won't be mad, she knows me too well. Still, I'm on airplanes every month. Who knows maybe that's my destiny. And what is her destiny? Women like her could find better job than service. Maybe I will talk with her later, when we are on the ground."

"Travelers, we have reached ground level. You can now walk normally on the plane. Thank you for flying with us.“

Chris get's up.

"Where are you going?"

"Mom, you know I need to go to the bathroom, I told you."

"OK, just…take care."

"Take care? But I' m just going to the bathroom!"

After some time...

"Passengers, please go back to your seats. Soon we expect turbulence."

"Yeah right. Turbulence... When you say it you think it's something big, but they are little…"

Chris couldn't finish his sentence as the airplane started to shake.

"This is normal…it will pass!"

But it did not it went worse. It was obvious the airplane is going down..

"Damn door, they are blocked! Help!"

In that moment Chris's life was passing by his eyes. He wanted that his last thoughts were about his mother.

Near Odessa,Texas

What a tragedy. So many lost lives. Flame covered the sky and smoke hid the airplane. At first it seemed no one survived. They all became ashes..

There are many explosions.

Suddenly everything is peaceful. Now we can only see the smoke. In that huge smoke there was small light. The color of it was different than usual fire. This was something stronger. Just like flame which can't go off. There is a person . Is it possible? It's Chris!

He looked like he was reborn. Of course he looked the same, like before crashing. But he had different look. He was confused.

"What is happening? Where am I? Airplane…I'm on the ground?"

Chris turned around. Everything seemed unreal .

"Mom? Chloe? Anyone?"

Chris fell to his knees and started crying.

We could now hear the siren sounds. They are coming to save them. Chris looks again at the remaining parts of the airplane.

"They can't be saved."

He stands up and goes away. He felt like he needed to run away..

End of chapter one.

MrHalliwell

Feb 15 2009, 06:23 AM

Thank you very much! This is great. Of course I don't mind. If you find another mistakes, do it again.

bhero2all

Feb 15 2009, 06:26 AM

You're very welcome. I'll check out Chapter 2 later. Like I said there are much better people on 9th with grammar than I, you could ask to Beta but I do not mind at all fixing the small stuff.

Keep up the good work.

Oh by the way, is your display name a shout out to Charmed by any chance?

MrHalliwell

Feb 15 2009, 06:31 AM

Yes! Charmed was my favourite tv show.

If you haven't noticed, Drew Fuller (Chris Halliwell) is main actor in my FF

I'm just using him for promo pictures and stuff like that

bhero2all

Feb 15 2009, 06:33 AM

I did notice and that is one of my favorites as well. Awesome!

MrHalliwell

Feb 15 2009, 12:23 PM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising
Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Three: Ashes

Created by: MrHalliwell
Written and translated by: MrHalliwell
Edited by : Begemot Geroi

"I was just sitting there and watching her. She was obviously dead. Who knows what would have happened if I saw my mother like that?"

The man with black gloves pulled out Chris from the car. Chris was still in shock because of what had happened to Veronica.

The man injected Chris with something. Chris was not resisting, he just gave up.

Unknown location

"Veronica!" Chris realised that he was awake.

He was in a large room. While he was getting up, he looked at the pictures on the wall. He was in a villa. Chris looked through window. He wanted to escape, but he was on the floor.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said the butler.

"Dad?"

"No, I rarely see Mr. Miller."

"Where am I? What do you want?"

"Calm down. Soon you will find your answers. Don't even try to run away. Believe me – you will not succeed." The butler left.

Chris tried to open the door, but he did not succeed. They were hard to open.

Then he hit the door, and it opened.

But it wasn't opened by him. Someone else opened the door.

"Son, it's great to see you again." Mr. Miller emerged through the door and tried to hug his son.

Chris stepped backwards.

"You have a right to be afraid."

"You killed them all?"

"Not . . . all."

"My mother . . . is she still alive? Before Veronica died, she told me . . . "

"You shoudn't listen to her. I didn't kill your mother. She did it herself. She knew that the airplane would go down. She had a gift. Just like you.“

In that moment, Chris remembered his mother's last words: "Take care."

"Although, I would have loved to have been there while she was dying. That lady was clever, but not enough!"

After Mr. Miller said that, Chris was angry enough to create a fire ball in his hand.

"What are you going to do? Kill me? Your own father?"

Chris threw the fireball at his father. Mr. Miller just slipped away.

"Hm. That was close. Sorry . . . guard!" Mr. Miller called for assistance and left.

Two men came in. They had weapons.

Chris remembered every word his father said. He collected his anger. He became a flame, quickly changing its color and power. The guards died in a few seconds. Chris became a killer. Now he wanted some answers.

The villa was big and it was Chris's first time there. He needed time to find the way out, and entered first door he saw. Using his power, he barely opened it .

He was in a jail.

"Is there anyone?" asked Chris.

"Who is it?" A woman responded from one of the cells.

Chris didn't answer. He went to the cell.

"I'm looking for answers."

"Me too!"

Through hole, Chris saw a young girl. Without thinking, he decided to save her.

"Will you save me?"

"Just shut up! Okay?"

An alarm sounded.

"Hurry up!"

Chris opened the door using his power.

"You didn't told me your name."

"Kara."

"I'm Chris."

"I would gladly talk with you, but not now when I'm running like I've never run before in my life!"

They stopped at the end of the hall.

"This way!" Kara exclaimed.

"You know the way out?"

"Of course! I passed through here millions of times!"

They approached the exit.

"Oh no! No way we will go throw this!" Kara could hear the guards coming.

"Watch and learn!"

Chris burned the doors out.

"You have an impressive power."

Chris smiled, and left the jail with Kara.

He was happy that he had an ally by his side. The question was, however, should he believe her or not?

End of chapter three.

MrHalliwell

Feb 16 2009, 12:43 PM

bhero2all I put "Edited by : bheroe2all"...I hope you do not mind

MrHalliwell

Feb 17 2009, 09:24 AM

so...what do you think? should I keep it going or not?

zozo87

Feb 19 2009, 11:13 AM

QUOTE (MrHalliwell @ Feb 17 2009, 10:24 AM)

so...what do you think? should I keep it going or not?

great job keep up the good work

MrHalliwell

Feb 19 2009, 11:27 AM

thanks! tomorrow I will publish fourth chapter "Whisper".

This are the final chapter names and dates.

C1 - Crash : 2/13/2009
C2 - Run : 2/14/2009
C3 - Ashes : 2/15/2009
C4 - Whisper : 2/20/2009
C5 - Taken : 2/27/2009
C6 - Aquaman : 3/6/2009
C7 - Truth : 3/13/2009
C8 - Alive : 3/20/2009
C9 - Elements : 3/27/2009
C10 - Earthly : 4/3/2009
C11 - Island : 4/10/2009
C12 - Phoenix Part I : 4/17/2009
C13 - Phoenix Part II : 4/24/2009

MrHalliwell

Feb 20 2009, 12:07 PM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising

Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Four: Whisper

Created by: MrHalliwell
Written and translated by: MrHalliwell
Edited by : Begemot Geroi

"Should I believe her or not? Now, it's not important. I just need to run away."

"To the woods." Kara looked at Chris.

"What are we waiting for?!"

They began to run.

"Do you think they will catch us?" asked Kara.

"Us? No way!"

"It wouldn't be his first time."

Two weeks ago . . .

"In that time, it was easy. You had powers – you had everything. Me and the guys robbed malls, supermarkets . . . Just for fun. They have never caught us.“

The Mall

"Kara, I need your help!" A woman said.

"Hey, we said we'll do this quickly. You have your own powers."

"Well, okay . . . You know I don't like to do this."

The woman put her hand on the vault. It melted.

"It is easy. Isn't it? You'll get used to it."

"They're coming!" a man exclaimed.

"Calm down. It's just the cops." Kara said.

All-rounders were coming to the open door.

"All-rounders? In the mall? They came only for petty thieves…" One of the men said, carrying a bag full of money.

Kara brandished her hand and closed the door.

"You know how to do it. The whole thing with the air."

"Of course I do." said Kara.

The all-rounders broke down the glass door.

"Long time no see!" - said the man from Kara's gang.

One of the all-rounders shot him.

"Hey! Before shooting, you need to alert us!" Kara said loudly.

After that, the other all-rounders shot the lady.

Kara brandished her hand again and the all-rounders went down. She ran outside.

"They will kill me!"

"No they won't!" someone said from the darkness.

"Who are you?"

"You can just call me a friend."

It was Mr. Miller.

They could hear the all-rounders.

"You can go with me. Save yourself."

Kara started running with Mr. Miller.

Mr. Miller went to his car. That's how they escaped.

Present day

They saw a helicopter in the air as they escaped.

"This guy is not normal!" said Chris.

"Tell me about it!"

Two weeks ago . . .

Kara was at Mr. Miller's villa.

"Now this is your home."

"What do you want?"

"I think I should ask you that question."

"Huh?"

"Ten successful robberies. Tell me something about that?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm the owner of the malls you have robbed."

Kara had a frozen look. She turned around to see if there were any all-rounders. Nobody was there.

"Listen to me. I can offer you a safe place. Home. Stay with me."

"What? You are lunatic!"

"I know you, Kara. I knew your mother. She was a good women."

"You don't know anything about my mother!"

"Oh yes, I do. You went the wrong way. You have different destiny."

"Huh?"

"You were created to do big things. Just like the previous generation. Kara, I'm offering you a home. Here, you can have everything you want. I'm here to show you the right direction."

"No. This is not happening."

"I'm sorry. You will need to stay here whether you like it or not."

Suddenly one of the all-rounders appeared behind Kara, and injected her.

Present day

"We can hide in this cave!" Kara said.

They went to the cave.

"So tell me . . . how do you know Mr. Miller?" she asked Chris.

"I don't know how to tell you this . . . he is my father!"

Kara again had that frozen look. She stood up.

"I just discovered it. Don't worry. I know he is a bad guy. You can trust me."

"In the last two weeks I don't know who to trust anymore."

"Island."

"Huh? Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Island. Someone said island."

"Are you feeling alright?“

"Now I know it! – 'Whatever happens, listen to your mother's voice.'"

"Wait, you said island?"

"Yes."

"I know a guy who was with me in the jail. All the time he was talking about some island. He escaped. He had also a power."

"We need to find him!"

End of chapter four.

Begemot Geroi

Feb 20 2009, 04:50 PM

9th didn't send me a new topic notification to let me know this topic existed.

For readability, I'd suggest left-justifying the text rather than centering it all the way through -- makes it easier to read.

MrHalliwell

Feb 21 2009, 03:08 AM

Done

RiddlerHanjinome

Feb 21 2009, 04:49 AM

This looks to have a lot of potential, and you seem to have a great story to tell, but I do have a couple things I'd like to point out.

1) The story is very dialogue-heavy. People are talking a lot more than they are acting, which leads to the reader needing to make the jump from the last action to the next one on their own.

2) The actions themselves are very sudden, short, and at times, non-descriptive. I'd be more than willing to help with that, if you'd like, as it's one thing I consider myself to be reasonably good with.

MrHalliwell

Feb 21 2009, 04:59 AM

Hm...chapters are like one heroes webisode. But if you like it in that way, i could make some changes. and you could also help. when I need your help = PM.

MrHalliwell

Feb 21 2009, 12:43 PM

Because of the editors (they are not working an easy job ) , I will not publish the next chapter tonight.

You can read new chapters Fridays at 9 PM

MrHalliwell

Feb 27 2009, 11:04 AM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising
Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Five: Taken

Created by: MrHalliwell
Written and translated by: MrHalliwell
Edited by: Begemot Geroi

NY, one week later . . .

Kara and Chris are now sub-tenants. They have lived here only for a couple of days, hiding from Mr. Miller's people.

"Did you find it?“

"Not . . . yet," said Kara, while she was at the computer.

"Nothing, then . . . you will not find him there."

"Huh, what a coincidence. I just found something about Jim Combs . . . something very interesting."

Chris approached her.

"Here is a list of employers . . . the owner of the company is your father."

"This is getting exciting."

"Yeah, but that's not all! Jim Combs has been missing since last year.“

"That explains why he was in jail with you.“

"Maybe your father is abducting people with special abilities.“

"I don't believe it . . . why are we so useful to him?“

"I have no idea. We will find out soon.“

"So . . . we have his address.“

"Yes, but I'm afraid we will not find him there.“

"We'll see.“

A few hours later . . .

Chris and Kara are now somewhere in the suburbs in front of a big house.

"Knock.“

"No, you should do it. You were together in jail, remember?“

"Ha ha, very funny.“ Kara knocked on the door.

The door was opened by an old woman.

"Can I help you?“

"Actually, yes. We are looking for Jim Combs, you see, he--“

The woman closed the door.

"Huh. How rude!“

Chris and Kara decided to hide somewhere in the neighborhood. They watched Jim's mother's every move. Somehow, they would make her talk about Jim.

The woman put her garbage outside. Chris and Kara were hiding behind the garbage can.

"You again! Now you're stealing my garbage?!“

"What? We weren't stealing your GARBAGE."

The woman frowned. She turned around and started walking away.

"I know Jim!“

The woman stopped.

"We weere together . . . in an institute. Do you know where he is?“

"Why do you need him?“

"Well . . . it's complicated.“

"Island.“ said Chris.

Jim's mother had a strange look.

"Come inside.“

In the house . . .

"Jim was always talking about some island. I need to show you something. This is Jim's art.“

She showed them some paintings of a castle.

"A castle?“

"Not just a castle . . . "

She pulled out the other paintings.

"Island.“

One hour later . . .

"Nice lady.“ Kara was walking with Chris outside.

"Hmm . . . we should tell in the first place island.“

Chris looked at Kara. They both smiled.

"She mentioned Harry Truman.“

"I know that name . . . he was on the list. He worked in your father's company. We also have his address.“

"Yes . . . she was pretty sure he was there.“

"Yeah . . I believe her. She's his mother.“

Some time later . . .

"So, we're finally here.“ Chris was standing at the front door.

Someone answered the door after he rang the bell.

"Can I help you?“

"Harry?“

"Yes, it's me."

"We are looking for your friend Jim.“

"I'm sorry, but I have no information on his whereabouts.“

"Harry, I need your help!“ A man yelled from the apartment.

"Was that Jim?“

"No! That was . . . that was . . .“

"Can we see him?“

"This isn't a good idea.“

Kara made a motion with her hand, and the doors opened.

"Kara!?“

"Jim!“

"I can't believe it! What are you doing here?“

"We need your help!“

Some noise was coming from the building.

"You have loud neighbours.“

"We don't have any neighbours. We're the only ones living on this floor.“

It was then that the all-rounders came in.

To be continued.

End of chapter five.

zozo87

Mar 1 2009, 11:07 AM

This is really good keep up the good work

MrHalliwell

Mar 4 2009, 10:28 AM

Thanks again..it seems you are the only one who is reading this...I have great ideas for volume 2...pity

greenarrow7

Mar 7 2009, 10:11 PM

This is good. You should keep it up.

MrHalliwell

Mar 8 2009, 01:41 AM

Thanks! Sorry, I have not published a new chapter in friday...later I will publish sixth chapter. Now you can enjoy reading chapter five , bacuse BG edited it!

MrHalliwell

Mar 8 2009, 12:14 PM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising

Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Six: Aquaman

Created by: MrHalliwell
Translated and written by: MrHalliwell
Edited by : Begemot Geroi

Three weeks ago
Mr. Miller's villa

In the biggest room of the villa, Mr. Miller is currently with his closest partners, a few gentlemen wearing suits and ties.

"Mr. Miller, is our plan progressing?"

"Yes, everything is fine. I have some small problems, but I will fix them – nothing can be perfect."

"When you say 'problems,' you mean Kara Halliwell?"

"Mr. Turner, I already told you: she is not a problem. I promised her mother--"

"That doesn't mean you have to comply."

"But--"

"Our company has suffered enough. We need to destroy four elements. Phoenix must be safe."

"I thought this company was here for a reason. Us, the previous generation, four elements (before destiny took them) , we need to show them the right direction.“

"Hm . . . I wouldn't say it was destiny. It was your woman – the element of fire."

"This is how it should be! After we saved the world from Shax, we have a new destiny. Now it is up to new generation. We have to explain a few things to them. Me – the element of water, my wife – the element of fire, Rita Halliwell - the element of air, and John McGuire - element of earth. We don't have our powers anymore – now they belong to our children."

"Mr. Miller, with all due respect, why do you think they are capable of saving the world? At any moment, a new evil could arrive; a new Shax."

"I'm owner of this company. I make the decisions! Why shouldn't we show them the right direction? We could teach them everything."

"I'm supporting you," said a man. It was Jim Combs.

"Son, of course you do. I respect that."

Present day

Chris, Kara, and Jim are now in the villa, in prison cells. Every cell is insured.

Kara woke up.

"Chris? Jim? Anyone? Help!"

Two weeks ago, Mr. Miller's villa

"Son, you need to know that you are here for a reason."

"I know, father, but I need to go home. My mother--"

"That woman was always too worried. It wasn't good for her health."

"You don't know her. You were only with her for one night. That's where I came from."

"I gave her a home, money. Everything she has is mine. Now it's time for her to reciprocate. You need to move into the villa. You need to be in a safe place."

"No! I don't want to leave my mother. She is sick--"

"Don't worry, I'll take care about her."

Jim tried to leave.

"Guard! I'm sorry my son."

Two hours later

Jim is now in prison. He was thinking about how to escape.

"What does he want from me? I have a gift. Water can save me."

"Is anyone there?" asked a women.

"You must be Kara Halliwell."

"How do you know me?"

"Just remember this – island."

"What?"

"Island! Island! Island!"

Jim turned into water and escaped.

Present day

Chris is now in a cell. He wakes up . . .

Mr. Miller was in front of him.

"We need to talk." Mr. Miller smiled.

To be continued.

End of chapter six.

MrHalliwell

Mar 19 2009, 11:02 AM

Sorry again for not being here. I had some problems with my internet connection...Tomorrrow I will publish chapter 7 and chapter 8. Thanks for reading!

MrHalliwell

Mar 20 2009, 01:18 AM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising
Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Seven: Truth

Created by: MrHalliwell
Translated and written by: MrHalliwell
Edited by: Begemot Geroi

At the villa: Chris's cell

"We have nothing to talk about.“

"That's not true . . . aren't you interested to know why I need you?“

Chris grew quiet. He wanted some answers.

"Like I thought . . . You, Jim, and that little ******--"

"Don't call her names!“ Chris stood up and grabbed his father's neck.

"You know, they can arrive here at any moment.“ Mr. Miller whispered.

Chris released him.

"I did this only because I want answers.“

"Ok, I understand you --“

A guard came in.

"Mr. Miller, two prisoners escaped!“

"Kara Halliwell and Jim Combs?“

"Yes.“

"Do whatever you have to do to catch them.“

The guard left.

"I wonder how they escaped? . . . Hmmm . . . Jim Combs did it a second time . . . "

"I don't know what you're going to say, but I am not interested.“

"I believe you want to know this. Son, you are special. You have the ancient Phoenix. A long time ago, there were four elements. They protected the Phoenix. Fire, Water, Earth and Air."

"I don't understand. Veronica said the same thing, but--"

"Veronica was only a servant from your mother. Chris, your mother is alive.“

"I don't believe you!“

"That's why I need you. Only you can talk with her. You are an element of fire. Just like she was before.“

"Where is she now?“

"On the island.“

"Oh! The island.“

"You know about the island? Chris, have you talked with your mother? Have you heard her voice? That island is mysterious --"

"I want to get out of here!“

The same guard came in again.

"Mr. Miller, everything is ready.“

"Do it.“

The guard left once more.

"What?“

"We don't need four elements to protect the Phoenix. Now he can be safe. I will keep it. Kara, the element of air and Jim, element of water. We don't need them anymore."

"What!? What have you done with them?“

"Only what was necessary.“

Chris tried to escape.

This time, Mr. Miller injected Chris with something.

To be continued . . .

End of chapter seven.

zozo87

Mar 26 2009, 06:04 AM

Still reading & enjoying it!

MrHalliwell

Mar 26 2009, 06:42 AM

Glad to hear that!
In next couple of days, I will publish Chapter 8 - Alive, Chapter 9 - Elements and Chapter 10 - Earthly

MrHalliwell

Mar 29 2009, 09:45 AM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising
Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Eight: Alive

Created by: MrHalliwell
Translated and written by: MrHalliwell
Edited by: Begemot Geroi

"It was so much easy and quickly.“

Mr. Miller was driving into the dark night.

"Bye bye, Chris. Sweet dreams.“

It was easy and not unpleasant. Especially if you were not thinking about that.

Especially if you close that sight in some deep part of your brain, and instead of thinking about it, you thing about him – Phoenix.

Mr. Miller turned around and flashed a big smile at Chris. Chris was lying on the back seat.

The car stopped.

He got out and grabbed Chris.

"You are finally free.“

Mr. Miller returned, satisfied, to the car.

He left Chris on a dark street. No one was there.

A drop of rain fell on Chris's cheek.

It flowed down his face like a tear.

Chris opened his eyes. Now he was awake.

"Where am I?“

He turned around. No one was there.

With no one there, he didn't need to call for help.

"It is so cold. I need to get warm. I'll burn a fire.“

Chris went to the garbage can and put his hand on it to burn it.

A small flame appeared. It was not enough to burn the garbage.

"What is happening to me? My powers . . . Phoenix? Dad?“

Chris slipped down the wall and sat on the ground.

Suddenly, he remembered.

"Kara! Jim!“

A few hours ago . . .

Jim and Kara were still in their cells.

Guards came in.

"Mr. Miller commanded us to let you go.“

"What? I can't believe it!“ said Kara.

"No. After everything, he can't let us go just like that. This must be a trap.“ said Jim.

"You're right. You'll get a new identities. A new life.“

"What will happen if we don't want to do it?“

"Then we will do the most horrible thing.“

"Huh! I knew Mr. Miller didn't have the balls to kill us.“

Present day . . .

Chris was very tired. He could barely see.

He was walking down the street in the hopes that he would find someone.

He saw an old woman.

"Lady! You need to help me!“

The lady looked carefully at Chris and said,

"You are so young.“

Chris was confused.

"What?“

"I see rarely young people in this city.“

"That's not important. I need your help."

The old lady started to walk away.

"Where are you going? You didn't even listen to me!“

"Do you want my help or not?“

Chris started walking with the lady.

"Where are we going?“

"I need to show you something.“

The old lady brought Chris to a souvenir shop.

"What are we doing here? I was here earlier. No one was here.“

"You should just press the bell.“ She pressed it.

No one came.

"I told you so!“

"Three times.“

"Huh?“

The woman did it two more times.

An old man appeared.

"This is John McGuire. He can help you.“

"Wait, you didn't tell me your name.“

"It's not important. The most important thing is that you got your help. You are in good hands.“

The old lady left.

"Are you lost?“

"You could say I am.“

"Well, you could buy this souvenir. It will show you the right direction.“

"Huh? That old lady brought me here just to make me buy this crap?“

"Don't call her old. She's my wife. No one buys anything here. We needed to do something.“

Chris left.

A car drove in front of him.

"Again? You gotta be kidding me!“

Chris ran away.

He was running with fear and wished to make them leave him alone.

The car almost hit him. He fell down.

Two people emerged from the vehicle.

They were wearing black suits and black glasses.

"Jim! Kara! You're alive!“

To be continued.

End of chapter eight.

MrHalliwell

Apr 2 2009, 12:19 AM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising
Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Nine: Elements

Created by: MrHalliwell
Translated and written by: MrHalliwell
Edited by: Begemot Geroi

"Hello, my brother,“ said Jim.

"Huh?“

"Kara told me everything. Come, I'll explain on the way.“

****

"We share the same destiny, the same father.“

"Wait, explain it one more time. This time slower.“

"So – your father was married to your mother, but he wasn't loyal. That's how I came into this world.“

"I have powers, I have father, my mother is alive, and now I have brother. All that in only four weeks.“

"Don't worry. There are no more surprises,“ said Jim.

"What are you thinking?“

"We will fix everything,“ said Kara.

"Where are we going?“

"To a friend. Ex-element of the earth.“

A car stopped in front of the little house.

"That's it.“

****

"Jim, is that really you?“

"Well, I changed a little, but mostly I'm the same guy.“

"This must be your girlfriend“

"Well . . . not really.“

"We've known each other for two weeks,“ said Kara.

"Jim, Kara -- how do you know this man?“ Chris asked.

"Before I was in prison, I worked in our father's company. That's how I met Mr. McGuire.“

"You worked with Mr. Miller?“

"That is not important right now. why are you still calling him Mr. Miller?“

"I never had a father.“

Silence.

"Aha . . .why are you here? “ asked McGuire.

"We came to talk about the four elements.“

"Four elements? Why now?“

"Because in front of you are three elements.“

"It's time.“

"For what?“

"For island.“

"Continue, please,“ said Chris.

"That island is a place where the legendary Phoenix was kept for many years. He belongs there. You need to bring him back. Your mother is there. She was a keeper of it, until your father came and wanted the Phoenix only for himself. She put the Phoenix inside you Chris, when you were a baby. That's why she needed to give you away.“

"I think . . . I don't have the Phoenix anymore.“

"What? That's not possible.“

"Why?“

"Only the elements can take it away or bring it back.“

"The fourth element is with Mr. Miller.“ said Chris.

"Your son.“

"Yes, he is the fourth element. I think Miller forced him somehow.“

"We will find out soon.“

"Just answer me one more question: Why does he need us?“

"That's the thing –- he doesn't need you. He wants you dead.“

"That's why he is going to that island?“

"Not just that. The Phoenix works better on the island. He will use it.“

"We are ready for everything.“

"You can sleep here tonight.“

"Well . . . thank you.“

"It's nothing . . . tomorrow you will go to that island.“

Chris, Kara, and Jim looked at each other. They knew that tomorrow they could either become dead or become heroes.

"We can do this!“ said Chris.

To be continued

End of chapter nine.

zozo87

Apr 5 2009, 04:18 AM

Wow, I like the thing with the elements. Nice story

Only three chapters left?

zozo87

Apr 5 2009, 06:35 AM

EDIT : 4 chapters left?

MrHalliwell

Apr 5 2009, 06:37 AM

Yes and no need for double posts.

MrHalliwell

Apr 8 2009, 08:13 AM

BG is not in the mood to edit my new chapter...so...I don't know when am I going to publish it...

Begemot Geroi

Apr 8 2009, 10:03 AM

Sorry -- haven't had a chance to edit it since I've been massively busy with studying. I'll do it really quick now, though.

MrHalliwell

Apr 14 2009, 04:31 AM

Heroes: Phoenix Rising
Volume One: Blackout
Chapter Ten:

Created by: MrHalliwell
Translated and written by: MrHalliwell
Edited by: Begemot Geroi

Combs's house

It's morning. The day has finally arrived. Chris woke up to the tweeting of the birds. He didn't want to wake up the others, so he went quietly to the living room. Mr. Combs was there.

"Good morning.“

"Good morning. Chris, are you ready for today?“

"Of course!“

"If you are ready, why are you still here?“

"I was hoping you would give me some advice or something . . . “

"Me?“

"After all, he is your son“

"I will say only one thing: Be yourself. You have everything to win.“

Jim and Kara approached him.

"With these friends, they have no chance.“

"What is that?“

"This is a map.“

"Of the island?“

"Yes, this map will help you a lot. They don't have it -- and believe me -- they will want it.“

"We will not let them take it.“

"I hope so. Now go. I reserved tickets for the plane.“

"Plane?“ asked Chris. He knew what happened the last time he was on a plane..

"Yes, plane . . . what's wrong?“

"Chris has a fear of heights.“

"No, no . . . it's not important.“

"Okay, then.“

"The most important thing is to concentrate.“

"Are you ready?“ Kara asked as she looked at Chris and Jim.

In the airplane . . .

Chris, Kara, and Jim were in the airplane. Chris was acting weird.

"Is everything alright?“ asked Kara.

"Well, no. You know this day isn't like a usual day.“

"I know. We will fight bravely!“

There was some turbulence.

"Oh, not again!“ Chris shouted.

He remembered the day when his airplane crashed.

The turbulence ceased.

"Thank you, God!“

"The next few days are going to be more terrible.“

A few hours later . . .

Chris, Kara, and Jim got out of the plane. Behind them, a man stood and looked at them . . .

"Where are we going?“ asked Jim.

"You are not going anywhere," a man said.

"What?“

"Who are you?“

"The end.“

"Huh?“

Now Chris, Kara, Jim, and the man were alone.

The man stretched out his hands and an earthquake happened.

"You are Will Combs. The element of earth.“

Jim threw dirt.

Nothing happened. That only strengthened Will.

"Catch this!“ said Kara, and she threw a pile of stones.

Will deflected it with the earth.

"He is indestructible!“

“We will see that!“ said Chris.

Chris stretched his hands and threw fire.

Will couldn't be seen anymore.

"Where is he?“

"I am here.“ said Will. He made a hole.

"You are all going down!“

Chris, Jim, and Kara were near the hole. They held each other's hands. They fought back with water, air, and fire.

"I am impressed. But the ship is gone. There is no way you will make it to the island.“

"What? You were only restraining us?!“

"I was told to do so.“

"Will, we were at your father's house. He sent us here.“

"You are lying!“

"We are not.“ Chris pulled out the map he had received from Mr. Combs.

Is Will going to believe Chris, or he will continue to cooperate with Mr. Miller?

To be continued

End of chapter ten.

MrHalliwell

Feb 19 2010, 12:20 PM

Moderators I would like you to delete this topic. Thank you!

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